The past few days have been brilliantly crazy. I think it all started Friday when myself, Luke, Duncan, Aaron and Mark decided to get smashed on beer and sambukas at the pub. For those of you few that haven't tried it sambukas really retardize your head. seriously, by the end of the night the four of us fell into the road arm in arm whilst me Aaron and Mark were screeching "Bleed American" by Jimmy Eat World at the top of our paryletic voices...Luke ran off possibly because he was embarrassed and proceeded to piss all over somebody's car. By this point I had fallen over, Mark had walked into a lampost and Aaron fell over laughing....anyone think we should be locked up. Then the "I love you you're my best friend" speeches started and

Anyhoo, Kris saw "a bunch of fucking drunks" coming down the road and was about to yell a load of guttermouth abuse at us then he realised it was his niece and her friends....sorry dude. The next day, I remember laughing because Aaron had to staggar home and Mark had to go to work with a killer hangover. Luke and I went to Tom's EXTRME FUCKING BBQ....Let me explain: us morons had a a mini BBQ in the pouring rain on Brannon's skateboard....which slowly burnt to death to Brannon's hooro (we did warn him)....that and I asked Liam to slap Tom with a fish we had actually meant to cook...about six people ended up filming Tom getting slapped twice each time Liam missed and someone eventually felt sorry for the slapped-to-bits-on-Tom's-face fish and put it in a nearby pond...

Oh God that skateboard....Brannon put the mini BBQ on his skateboard to carry it home and it melted through...all I remember is him screaming that it was £120...I actually felt sorry for the poor guy I mean £120 skateboard sabotaged by one of Tom's partys...Liam just rolled about in the dirt and threw chairs about like a madman...Tom made us change our clothes indoors if we were too wet and Liam ended up looking like a hillbilly! Then the cotton-eyed Joe song came on and me and Tim made total pratts out of ourselves as per usual by dancing like idiots in a circle until someone fell down taking everyone with them. My full applause to Bud who never left the kitchen cooking us worthless lot burger hehe :P Thanks Bud xxx

Confiding in someone about police turning up at your house is a sensitive subject. So when they go off droning on about their girlfriend problems when Kris is literally chucking people out on the street, my Nan's freaking out as she's seeing all these fights and literally as I'm speaking my Mum's ripping the TV out the sodding wall while I have to fucking hide the phone in my room and not take sides when Dad's yelling he never should have got married. People I love have been fucking disowning eachother all day and if one more fucking mirror or computer gets smashed I'll have a heart attack.

THEN YOU IMMEDIATLY START WHINING ABOUT YOUR FUCKING IDIOT GIRLFRIEND NOT EVEN BOTHERING TO GIVE ME A CONSTRUCTIVE PIECE OF ADVICE AS IF I DON'T EVEN FUCKING EXIST...I THOUGHT FRIENDS FUCKING HELPED EACHOTHER....

I'm having a fucking terrible time at the moment and I simply CANNOT put my mind to solving your latest row with her, then you go on and on and ON about your idiot girlfriend although you KNOW I'm in a bad way. Fucking shallow people they think their sexual problems are the most important things in the world, when their so called friends are watching their family hurt eachother. I was under the impression I was your friend, because if you had to stop people tearing eachother to pieces I would at least attempt to help you. I would worry. I would do my best to help you but you start talking about her ignoring you. My God.

Well well WELL. You know when you think you have shitted somebody out of your life? Then you are browsing your online diary and then you come across some wankstain who thinks it's a good idea to threaten somebody's safety over the internet? Well the bastards just won't leave me alone even though I fucking did them a favour by ignoring them because the shit they told me is nothing short of sick. Lying about diseases. lying non stop. Well if you want a response Chris you'll fucking get it: I was determined to stay in peace and never speak ill of anyone again, yet I find out that the comment section of my diary has been taken over by the midnight moron club. Someone who likes to call himself Chris Harvey, who I am really glad I haven't heard of up until now. The comment in the brackets are me laughing at his pure stupidity. 

ha maybe u should get a life, (HAHAHA that's rich coming from you! you spend time posting comments on someone's diary who you have never even met....explain how you can POSSIBLY have a life...do you go to bed giggling about how "brave" you've been over the internet??? Infact, leave me your email address, we can arrange a meeting, let's fucking see how good you are at arguing....) i hav known him for years and hes great and loads of people know it was you who wrote it on college walls becuase i saw you do it, (I SAID I did it on here you dumb shit....God, were you fucking born yesterday?! I AM NOT DENYING IT, me andf Aaron laughed about that for days you dumb cunt.)  i have seen you around college (Great, a stalker, just what I needed!) i have overheard what u say bout him and its wrong, i have heard u turn his friends against him (Oh really? Actually he did that all on his own, God knows what a sad bastard you must be to put up with him..I'm not the one who lies about having a disease like Aspergers and takes paracetamol in front a large crowd pretending it's medication....)with lies and he hates the sound of your name, ( Wow, i'm flattered, I actually made a difference in that poor retarded dope's life to the point of hatred. Ha ha ha.) and what the hell do you keep coming in college for if you hate him so much? (Considering I ignore him completely in college , he may as well not be in....you've really missed the point haven't you..I go in to sewe my friends Tim and Melissa who also wish hie was buried ten feet under you stupid fuck.)i have a good mind to grass on you myself! (I don't go to that college so they are hardly going to send a letter home to my parents now are they dipshit?! Also, if I found out anything YOU had done I wouldn't grass. WHY? Because I don't have the mentality of a 4 year old...)and only on the days he is in? (My mate has a similar timetable, the lucky bastard gets a 4 day weekend. Hang on...did HE tell you I come in to see him?! Oh you guillable moron...are you a builder too???) Im still there as his friend i dont care if im his last friend i know the truth (This speaks for itself really, but I can't help but laugh my head off..."I don't care if I'm his only mate..." Oh I am sure he'd be grateful you saying that about him! I hope you two have a happy life together and bear many fat ugly children...) and i will still stand by him, he's not the liar you are! so yes you are right nothing worse than a liar and i hope YOU get your just deserves! (It's just DESERTS you ignorant fuck...God are you a builder too? I get that from your vocabulary...)btw people just ask him and im sure he will show you the msn convos and if he still has them the txts i have seen them all and i think your sick what your doing to him! (I can't see how this is possible as firstly, I lost my phone in a carpark in chingford  when we were actually on speaking terms, secondly, I blocked and deleted him ages ago...aaww is someone being lied to by their closest "friend" I can actually imagine him making up false convos the sad cunt...he even tried to send ME one that I obviously didn't say cause guess what I AM Lou) Im glad i found this thing becuase im sure he wont be pleased when he see's it. (If you are telling the truth that he hasn't seen it, I can only assume that some poor misguided desperate tart who can't let the past lie, has set you upto this....I have my suspicions...who ELSE has the link to this HUH??? my God I'm surrounded my idiots....UNLESS this is YOU hiding behind a fake name Rob!!! I seriously wouldn't put that past him...) Suprised you'll live another day after the things i have seen him do :S( Is that a threat? it's not a very good one LOL...aawww did he bitch-slap you once? My friend threw beer and actually spat on him.... SPAT ON HIM, FULL ON GOBBED ON HIM... and he didn't bat an eyelid, didn't even complain...what a little bitch, talk about having no fucking dignity...) i mean how long have you even known him? (too long, he's a moron, too fucking long....)You dont even know what he is capable of yet you write such crap about him. (I know he's capable of talking shit, but as I ignore him he doesn't bother me....in fact if he adoes in fact attack me that proves me right about his stupidity, bring it on.) Im pretty sure if you push him too far he will not have any trouble hurting you (and YOU say you have a good mind to grass on ME. I'm not the one making threats about somebodys safety you fucking idiot...I would threaten to call the police but I find this all too funny)or any one who stands in his way, i know him i have seen him crack, (speaking of crack, is that what he got you to smoke to stay mates with him...) and when he does he doenst care who gets in his way as long as the jobs done, im warning you now dont push him! (I'm getting the feeling that this is actually Rob trying to make himself sound violent over the internet in vain hope somebody will read it...face it, you don't have anger problems, so it's not big and it's not tough to lie about it! This is morbidly funny as it's very sad...if this is actually somebody called Chris, you are horrendously crap at making threats so please do yourself a favour and find something you are good at...like Brick laying.) chris

Well that made me laugh for all of ten minutes...better luck at upsetting me next time!

The third time I see Placebo and Oh my God was that a good gig...I was annoying Luke all the way in there about how I couldn't wait to hear "Infared" live for the first time and low and behold they played it first. I have lost my voice from singing along and I have the flu anyway hehe. Not only did they play their new brilliant stuff, but they played classics like "Come home" and "36 Degrees"and my faveourite-Teenage Angst. Luke kept knocking me over jumping up and down, some fat bastard kept stomping all over my feet, I swear that happends to me at every concert, I get stuck with the fattest person in the crowd stamping all over my feet. What was really hilarious was Brian's guitar breaking onstage though and the roadies rushing about to get a new one.

What else...there were sleeping bags outside the arena even though it had rained all night (seriousuly,some people will do anything) and unbelievably me and Luke ended up incredibly close to the front, but the crush was getting so terrible, you could practically hear ribs cracking so we went a little furthur back where we could actually jump without getting hospitalised like the people crushed at Hillsbourough football stadium.... The support bands were so much better than last year (no old people stripping off this time, even though i did see a 70 year old gothic lady in the toilets chatting up all the young girls). Afterwards there was an absolute nutjob yelling at all the cars including ours and even though I have lost my voice I still managed to shout back at the crazy old guy. 

Also: A big well done to Luke for passing his driving test! All of you have to get him a present.

It's odd. These are the songs that make me cry when I hear them:

1. Gary Jules-Mad world (donnie darko theme)

2. Jimmy eat world-sweetness.

3. The killers-smile like ya mean it.

4. Good Charlotte-Hold on.

5. Craig Armstrong-this love

6. sum 41-pieces.

7. Funeral for a friend-roses for the dead.

8. My chemical romance-ghost of you.

9. R.E.M.-everybody hurts

Notice these are all kinda emo songs. Now I know why people hate emo. It's does nothing but depress everybody!!!! GAH to that.

Aaron, you gossip queen I cannot thank you enough for telling me that the other day, it's the funniest thing I've heard in ages-and that says a lot. Eeeeww...A flurry of thoughts come to mind but I can't repeat it on here because frankly it's too disgusting and mind boggling for most individuals and I don't want to sent anyone into rehab....but as I am a disturbed sicko....PFFFT I CAN SO SEE THE HILARITY, Eurrrrgh....just imagine a crossbreed experiment gone horrifically wrong like Pete Burns and Sadam Huessain lovechild with a sombrero (or not, it's a secret..PPPFFT Sombrero...)....on April's fools day funnily enough...but Jesus that is a joke gone one step too far. Dear God. Anyone reading this, don't ask me what I'm talking about, it will put you off dinner for weeks but rest assured it's keeping me giggling, and a big thanks to Aaron for putting loads of us all off of our beverages in the pub with all the horrible gory fluidy details...Dude...!

So sick...cannot move....I want to blow up a building.

Only I could make sense of this, I would write about Luke's birthday party, which was great but I really really have to get this off of my chest. I'm going fucking mad. Why oh why do I want to break up with Luke: Because I'm in love with him...Oh my God it's so stupid, I am fucking TERRIFIED of caring about somebody and when I have done in the past I have either been hurt or ran so far away from the person that they forgot about me. I was avoiding the hell out of Luke yesterday because frankly it overhwlems me being near him, I don't want to admit it but I can't live without him... I can't fucking believe how lucky I am. Of all the people he chose me. Why am I running away from him? Because I am a fucking coward who can't even face her own feelings out of pure terror!!!! FUCK.

I suppose it's in my nature, as soon as I care about someone I RUN LIKE FUCK and ignore my feelings until they go away...I find myself picking arguements with Luke lately because I cannot fucking deal with my feelings for him and it kills me, I HAVE to get the emotion out somehow so I start picking fights.... Makes no sense right? I'm with him so I shouldn't feel that way, but to be honest NOTHING scares me more in the world than caring about someone a lot...so much that they get under your skin and mess with your head....Yeah I'm a coward. I'm terrified. I can't handle my feelings and it causes my life to turn into one big fucking disaster. It's true what they say, love does fuck your head up. I found out that it fucks my head up even when I'm with him....but it makes me want to push him away because I'm afraid.

Somebody fucking help me